Saturday, November 28, 2009

about a girl

20 years ago today I held you in my arms for the first time.

I loved watching you grow.

You enjoy life to the fullest...

You can be silly

and serious.
You grew up surrounded by family who loved you.

You are talented - even when you were in Grade three, you knew how to command the stage.
There were a few trying years -when you began to learn about yourself, and figure things out. I really didn't like your hair when it was black ...I guess I can tell you that now.

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Your sister has been one of the biggest joys of your life, and in return you are a gift to her. This has been a challenging year for you in a lot of ways -  it's not easy for an active person to suddenly become dependent on others for everything. But the accident helped you grow as a person, it gave you a sense of the importance of living fully. You are moving forward with a clear direction and defined goals.

Happy 20th birthday Megan.

(I'm the mother of a 20 year old. Really? Am I that old? Help!)

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

for Jude

In my heart, in my thoughts...sending healing energy across the continent...this is for you

Fuck you, cancer!

Monday, November 16, 2009

the matriarchy

She's always been a tiny woman. At 98, she seems even tinier, with her shoulders hunched, and her hands idle in her lap.

Those hands raised eight children, and shepherded seven of them across the Atlantic Ocean when the youngest was a baby and the oldest was eight years old. They milked cows and helped with the haying. Those hands could sew the straightest, most beautiful seams - wedding dresses, prom dresses, alterations for customers, dolls with embroidered faces.

She doesn't forget much. She is as aware as a person with dementia can be - sometimes she forgets names or faces, and she's a great one for making things up. In her reality, there is a polluted underwater river, full of chemicals from my sister-in-law's hair salon, running under the house. Well, go big or go home....but for 98, her powers of recall are still amazing, even when interspersed with the fantastic.

She raised her head and looked at me with her bright blue eyes. We were having tea in a nearby restaurant, having momentarily escaped the nursing home. I had already been thoroughly chastised for having been away for so long...but she wasn't finished.

"I am afraid to ask you this..." she says, but do you still have a husband?"

No, I tell her. But I'm okay.

She shakes her head. "Well, people have to do what's best for them I suppose."

I turned my head and muttered to my mother "It's a good thing she doesn't know the whole story." My grandmother is quite deaf...

"Oh, she knows," my mother said.

My eyes widen. "Really?"

My grandmother had been out visiting one of the aunts - and managed, in spite of her apparent deafness, to overhear a conversation that centered around my facebook status on National Coming Out Day. There were a lot of family members in the house at the time, all talking about me. I love being the center of attention, really I do, but I love it better when people talk to me instead of talking about me.

"Well," Oma says "Everyone has something. It's not what I would like, but people have to live their lives and be happy."

First of all - this is the first time that my mother has mentioned anything about my coming out - ever! And we were in public! And she wasn't even in a hurry to change the subject....

Second of all - if I'm out to my 98 year old grandmother, I really am out.

Thursday, November 12, 2009

Let Yourself In

I don't know what it is about this November. Something's gone awry.

So many of us are going through tremendous changes, reliving old hurts, working our way through pain.

Last Wednesday, my friend Chris came to visit. She arrived on a Wednesday when I thought she was coming on Thursday(my mistake of course. I have zero organizational skills), which meant that I had nothing ready for her visit, but she was gracious, and wonderful. We talked and sang the evening away with a bottle of red wine. So much has happened for both of us in the year since we've seen each other - we've both struggledn, and both had moments of wonder and joy. She played me a song from her new CD that has resonated with me ever since. I can't get it out of my head. I play it constantly, because it speaks so directly to what's happening for me, right now.

It's a beautiful song, and I am privledged to know her.

So for all of you - Amy, Ames, Rocket, Lilli, Windy, Margo, Aneke, Ang...there are more, I'm sure, who are feeling the coolness of November and the sadness rush through your minds, this song is for you. I created a slide show with it that depicts some of the pivotal, beautiful moments in my summer - a summer that was both painful and joyful. They will stay with me always.

The chorus:

Let yourself in and welcome all your ghosts
Sit them down, pour a round
Offer up a toast
You were meant to live this life
The way that's best for you
And all the promise stored inside
Still waiting there for you

You can learn more about Chris's music here. If you like it, buy her CD and support this amazing independent musician.

Thanks so much for all you've brought me.

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Destra Dog

Shane has a heart of gold.

And her beloved Destra needs help.

Click here. And please help, if you can.

Thanks, everyone.

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

it's a lethal mix

Anemia and depression.

They suck. Both of them. I feel like I can't fight either one of them effectively.

They are related, of course. When you can't get enough oxygen into your body, and you're trying to work and keep up with a six-year old, something's gotta give. It's like this thick fog that separates me from the rest of the world.

I think I've been mildly depressed for a long time. Maybe years. Things improved when I started the coming out process, but they've taken a big downward tumble since the end of summer. I don't know why. I've had moments when I've felt positive, euphoric, blessed, loved....and then there are weeks like this one...

-I've become so disconnected that I'm having trouble functioning at work. It's hard for me to play and relax, which is what I should be doing. I have a very understanding I will make it through, but work is the last place where things like this show up for me.

-I feel isolated. I know that at this point I'm likely giving off "stay away" vibes right, left and center because I'm experiencing a lot of social anxiety. I don't want to blog. I haven't written anything in weeks. I should be writing, I need to write, but I don't want to read what will show up on the page.

-I have a lot of difficulty asking for help at the best of times. I try to be strong and I end up miserable because I just can't reach out. I figure people are tired of hearing it....depression has a way of making you think in circles that never end, and I can't find my way out of the negativity.

- I can't date. I can't be in a relationship with myself, let alone anyone else. I can't talk to people. I have a hard time opening up to my best friends. A physical anything? Take my clothes off? Are you freaking kidding me??I don't know what made me think that I was ready, but I am sooo not...

of course I'm not. But I'm lonely. Oh, the paradox.

I'm terrified. I'm a mess.

This really sucks. I hope it doesn't last much longer. I'm usually good at pulling myself out of the abyss, but this has already gone on way too long.

I still have readings that I promised for people. I will do them, but I'm going to have to wait until I've regained some sense of...something.

ETA - I'm throwing this in...because I love her, and because this song means so much to me. It made my cry when I first heard her play it, and it makes me cry now, because it reflects everything that's going on for me. There's nowhere to go but up!

Sunday, November 8, 2009

for Lilli

I did your reading last night in my hotel room in Niagara Falls.

No, I am not that boring. Emily was with me. She needed to sleep and I wasn't ready. Megan was...out. Doing things that 20 year olds do in cities with bars and casinos.

Lilli, I drew four cards for your reading.

You know how scary it is now to think that I might get something wrong - be so far off that people will think I'm a fraud? Pressure....


4 of Pentacles

Those who have felt a financial pinch at one time or another can strongly empathize with the figure on this card (if I was not so lazy I would find and post images, but if you're curious, you can do a Google Image search. my deck is called the Mystic Dreamer tarot, but it's based on the Waite deck). Money has slipped through your fingers - for some reason it wasn't used wisely. Perhaps it was taken. However it happened, what remains is precious - held tightly and treasured. For some people, this can turn into miserliness, but I think that you are careful rather than tight-fisted. This is a natural response sometimes. When you've been hungry, or you've faced eviction, it is hard to let go and trust that the Universe will take care of you. But it will. Abundance comes in many forms - think of how you are surrounded by love and laughter. Your needs are being met, and they will continue to be met. Money is not what is holding you back. Visualize it - see yourself in abundance, and know that you are worthy. Allow yourself the freedom to choose what path you most desire. Doing what you love will bring both freedom and sustenance.

6 of Wands

I drew this card for Amy's reading, but there is a slight twist to my interpretation...

There's no reason to fear success. For some reason I'm getting this internal struggle, as if you are your own worst enemy. You've been out there on the battlefield, you've grown weary. You are headed home, and all along, your battle has been with your own inner sense of self. You are worthy. You can and will do this. It's time to release those fears and claim the success that's waiting for you. Something you may want to consider: what do you get out of holding yourself back? Perhaps you're validating all the negative thought patterns that have been with you for years, the ones that others created, that you still unconsciously believe. "See?" you tell yourself, "I knew I couldn't do it. I was right."

Let go of all that, and see how quickly things turn around for you.

(at this point, I'm wishing that I could follow my own advice....)

Page of Cups

She doesn't call a lot of attention to herself. She is a quiet part of the landscape, and that shy, soft demeanor is what is so compelling - her spirituality shines through, almost like a glow on her skin. She has a connection, a oneness with all living things, human and otherwise. She reveres them as holy, and in their turn, they revere her. She is grounded, firmly rooted in time, and very present in her own life. At the same time, water is her element. She is near it, in it, surrounded by waves that murmur on shore as often as she can be. She's offering you something. If you accept what she offers, there will be some kind of movement, or change. It will be gradual, natural and positive, like the movement of waves against the shoreline where the earth is eroded little by little, creating a new landscape.

XXI - The World

I love ending readings with this card.

The world is a living, breathing entity, and you are a part of it. Like any living thing, the world experiences a range of emotions, actions, physical disasters and transformations, changes, and blessings. We look for world peace and harmony. We seek the connectedness of all living things. We wish abundance for all, and some day the world will become all that we dream.

You are the world, at its fullest energy, its most beautiful state. You're moving into a very creative, productive and fulfilling time of your life. What you seek, whether it be in relationships, in your work, or with your family - you will find it. Dream big! It's time to dance! (save one for me, too!)

warning: self-absorption and a bit of whining ahead....

Forewarned is forearmed. You can skip this one if you'd like.

The good news is that I have a tutoring client coming in a few minutes so my whine time is limited. I wish it was wine time, not whine time, but that's not possible.....

Most days I can make it through. And more than that, I can get to the end gracefully, sometimes joyfully, and always with gratitude for the abundance that I have in my life as it stands right now. But I'm tired today...and maybe that little piece of snowflake obsidian sitting on my altar is doing its job and bringing things to the surface. Things I'd rather not deal with. Stuff I thought was gone, drifting back into my brain. Maybe I'm just having one of those days, and tomorrow will be better. I hope so.

I feel stuck. Completely stuck and I can't seem to move myself out of There's usually a trigger - today's trigger was the AGM at my co-op.

I used to live in a co-op in my hometown. Maybe the fact that I knew most of the people in those meetings, and had known them for years before I moved in made it easier. I participated. I asked and answered questions. But ever since Michfest, going into public spaces alone - places like meeting rooms and concert halls - has become more and more difficult. I should be okay at a co-op meeting - I live there. I see most of those people every day. But as I sat, and listened to financial statements and committee reports, I began to feel completely disconnected...of the people sitting in the room, I'm on a first-name basis with maybe four or five of them. None of them know, really, a whole lot about me.

I spoke to no one. I showed up as required by my membership, and left. 

It shouldn't matter. Maybe it doesn't. But there's another in the list of places where I am not fully comfortable.

I used to have a lot of social anxieties when I was younger. I worked really hard to overcome them. I'm proud of how far I've come - no longer do I stutter when I talk to strangers on the phone. I can walk up to a counter in a store and ask for something without suffering agonies of embarrassment. But there's a part of me that's never really at ease outside of my own house, except in very specific circumstances. Those of you who are reading, and who know me IRL can attest to that. On the page, I am completely different. It's me, uncensored. I am as open as I can be, as long as you're not standing in front of me.

That's why doing readings via blogger or email works better for me than anything else. Because the person I'm reading for isn't physically here, I am free to open up and sense whatever energy is around the cards I pull. I write my responses. Writing fills this deep need for me - I need words on the page, and I need them all the time. Writing helps me to open up in other situations. Writing pulls out the best of me.

I stopped writing two months ago. Except for here. And one song. Things are starting to pile up again.

I was getting better. I was taking risks, I was starting to feel a lot more comfortable in groups - well, certain groups. And then I went to Michfest. Something happened there - I can't explain it even to myself, because there was really no specific event that pushed me backwards. But I came home feeling like I was in high school all over again. I was completely out of my element. I feel like I've failed in what I set out to reasons for going were first of all, for the music. That was amazing. And secondly, to make the real-life connections that I lack.

Fail. And I feel like a failure.

There's not one significant connection.  A pile of facebook friends. I comment on their statuses once in a while. Or vice versa. I don't quite know what I was expecting...I'd heard so much about feeling completely safe in Michigan, and about how easy it was to meet people...but I experienced something different.

It was lonely. And frightening. And I'm sitting here blaming myself for not trying harder, for never really being able to get past whatever it is that's holding me back. And in this moment (thank goodness such moments grow ever-more fleeting for me) I feel like there's nothing to move forward to. Maybe...just maybe...this is it.

My sister once called me "socially dependent" - as in, on her. It hurt a lot. I sometimes feel like I'm being tolerated by people,rather than accepted. My family doesn't quite know what to do with me anymore.  I'm on the fringes of everything and in the middle of nothing.(with the exception of one important group - my coven...).

You know already that I'm my own worst enemy.

Today is not a good day to be trying to create interesting profiles for internet dating sites. I can't think of a single interesting thing to say. It's not that I don't think I have things to offer, it's just that words, for once, are failing me. I can sell other people. I can concentrate my energies and focus on the cards that might bring some enlightenment for someone else. But I cannot sell myself. Everything I write seems to contain a subliminal "go away" message.

And do not get me started on the whole picture thing. There is no good picture of me. It doesn't exist.

Or maybe there really aren't any single lesbians in K-W. It is possible.

Yeah, I know there's a social group - I have one or two readers that used to live around here who have sent me the info...but since Fest, there's no freaking way that I am going to walk alone  into an even where there are a group of people, who are all strangers to me, who very likely all know each other...and feel anything but completely uncomfortable.

On a more positive note...okay, there aren't any. I did another reading last night and will post it when I am in a better frame of mind. A walk, a hot shower and a self-indulgent cry will do me a world of good.

PS - an hour later...I am really really tired. I went to Niagara Falls with the girls and came home to an empty house. That might have something to do with my current state of mind. 

Saturday, November 7, 2009

for propane amy

(for those of you still waiting - I'm going to try and get everyone's readings done thins weekend. I'm going away - but I'll take my tarot cards and netbook. Emily goes to sleep early, and what else is a single mom going to do in a Niagara Falls hotel room? If I wasn't taking the kids, well, y'all would have to wait longer....)

Amy, this reading blew me away. I start off most readings with three cards, but if something confuses me, or if it's not clear, I'll draw one or more clarifying cards. So when I did your reading, I ended up with six, in the following order:

6 of Wands
The Hermit
9 of Wands
10 of Wands
9 of Pentacles

When the same suit shows up in a reading like have to pay attention. Wands are aligned with the direction South, and the element of Fire. The season is summer. Sexuality, passion, inspiration, optimism, energy, movement, creativity, travel and inner journeys are all associated with wands. Cups are aligned with emotion, so cups are more about relationships. Wands, to me, come up when you are figuring out who you are, and you are deciding and defining what's important in your life. What, or who are you passionate about? What inspires you? Read a little bit about the goddess Brighid - she is the goddess of the forge, of creativity, healing and music. Fire by nature is transformative. Fire causes great destruction, but it is a powerful agent of change.

The number 9, which appears twice in your reading, signifies the end of one cycle and the beginning of something new. There is a lot of change taking place right now - some of it will not be easy, but you also have a 6 in your reading - 6 is generally a card of success and harmony, which may come after some hard work.


6 of Wands

The dark knight rides home after battle. She carries the wreath of victory, but her head is bowed, her posture weary. Behind her are fog-shrouded hills. Before her lay golden, fruitful fields. She has achieved success, but there has been a cost...the struggle is behind her, but she's still haunted by the memories of the battlefield. This is preventing her from truly savouring her victory.

IX The Hermit
(Major arcana cards are usually indicators of larger, overarching themes that are coming into plat at this point in your life. These are struggles you have grappled with, lessons that your soul needs/needed to learn in order to move forward, indicators of major events or significant changes that are taking place....)

The Hermit is a mysitc, a seer, a seeker. He carries a lantern to light his way, and a staff to help him over the rougher places on the path. But although in this part of his journey he walks alone, he is not lonely. His life is full - filled with thoughts, plans, theories. he takes time to contemplate and meditate. Everyone needs solitude of this nature at some point in their lives - you long for a relationship, or companionship, and you will receive what you desire when the time is right. But at the moment, you're being called to walk a solitary path. You have a lot of thinking to do, which takes time and space. Your gain from this temporary isolation is movement forward in your development and on your soul path. You will reach a place of enlightenment. You will know.

XI  Justice

When I think about this card, in relation to the Hermit, and in relation to what I sense from you, I think about the flow of time and tide. Time heals. The force of water can effect great changes in a short period of time. Justice has already been served, but I sense that you, or someone connected to you is still punishing themselves for something - a mistake made, or perhaps a promise broken. Take the lesson you've learned and run with it. Absolve yourself. And realize that you've been your own worst enemy. There's no need to keep yourself under lock and key anymore - you've served your time, the natural progression of your life has moved you forward. Now you are free.

(I wrote this yesterday, and today in the car, I listened to a song that says it all - my friend Chris MacLean wrote it, and it's on her new CD...if I remember, I'll try to post the lyrics tomorrow, but the title of the song is "Let Yourself In." It's all about learning to free yourself of guilt, and learning to live with love and forgiveness. I'd post it now, but the lyrics are in the car....)

9 of Wands

Nine as a number signifies the end of a cycle and the beginning of a new chapter in your life. Life is filled with such beginnings and endings.

you've reached a decision, a point of no return, but you hesitate at the gate. Your way is still forward, but you've taken some time to think. The next steps will be difficult, and enormous, and they will take enormous reserves of strength. Don't kid yourself - it will be hard. It really is necessary to "take a moment" right now. But the next step? It's the beginning of something new, and wonderful. When you finally move forward, you won't look back.

10 of Wands

I relate wands with passion p sometimes they can represent sexual passion, and sometimes they can also be about work, or your life's calling. There's a lot of struggle going on here, an almost overwhelming burden you're carrying. You've almost made it home, but the load is so....heavy. You feel like you can't take another step. But, like a marathon runner on his last dash, there is strength inside you that you don't even know you have, which will carry you over the finish line. Rest if you need to. Don't allow yourself to become obsessed, especially with the small details. They will sort themselves out. Know that you will summon the strength to carry the load.

9 of Pentacles

pentacles are associated with north, earth, and winter

Here you stand,surrounded by beauty. The world literally rests at your feet. The earth is a bountiful place. Nine again - endings and beginnings. This card refers to your material possession, your values, your home, your roots and your branches. This card points to a fruitful result. Hard work planting, tilling and weeding...but you love putting your hands in the dirt, and the paradise you're cultivating is so very beautiful. The harvest is even better than you hoped for! But, be sure to leave an offering, some thanks, a token to give back to the earth because she has been very generous. You are indeed blessed with bounty. The key is understanding the nature of true abundance, and knowing where to find it.

Hope you can find some relevance in what I've written!

( that the time??? No wonder I'm so tired.....)

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

for kimber p

Don't ask me why - but I drew four cards for this reading. I just felt like I needed to...

3 of Cups

You have an incredibly strong connection to two different women in your life. You have reason to celebrate with them. They both enrich your life in very different ways, and they complement, rather than compete with one another. From your relationships, you will gain a lot of emotional fulfillment - hope, celebration, love. All three of you are connected in some way. I think I drew this card as an affirmation for you - your choice to support/nurture/love these women in whatever form the relationships take - romantic, friendship, whatever you choose, is the right one for you.

5 of Wands

I think this foreshadows some kind of loss. (I pulled it for another reading, but I'm getting a slightly different sense here). This may come in the form of a relationship breakdown - not sure if it's temporary or permanent, but there's some sadness here. And regret on both sides. In order to heal from this, and perhaps restore the relationship, both of you need to focus on the positive aspects. What is good? What is joyful? Yes, there will be some pain, but as I said earlier, nothing is ever wasted. There are lessons to be learned in all situations. And it's possible to restore or renew things, because there is lots of goodness and a lot of positives for both of you. You can also choose to turn away, but doing so might diminish your experience of that person.

Knight of Wands

This indicates some kind of male energy. A passionate person - there's a strong inner fire. And there's a sense of being firmly rooted in the present, of being profoundly grateful for what life has brought them so far. This is important. Sometimes we're so busy thinking about the next thing, planning for better tomorrows, that we fail to appreciate and enjoy the present. Plan for tomorrow from a place of gratitude, because there are a lot of blessings in your life right now, even if they are hard to find.

Card XI  Justice

I get the sense that there's a struggle going on. At first I wasn't sure if it was external or external, but as I meditated a bit, I started leaning towards external...The Justice card in this reading gives me te sense that the outcome of a situation you're facing will be balanced and fair. No great victory here, but a resetting of the scales. Justice is not always overt, it's not always contained in court documents or concessions. It can come in the form of the Threefold Law. So what may appear as a defeat - and it may seem as though someone "got away with' something - may actually be that person's downfall in the long run. Their actions will come back to haunt them. Always, there is rebalancing going on, within and without. What you've put out into the Universe, you'll be given back, times three. Positive, or negative. the Threefold Law.

Stay centered, stay balanced, stay calm. You know what's right. Act with integrity in all things. In the end, justice will prevail, although the final verdict might not be imminent.

Hope this is helpful!

Sunday, November 1, 2009


First off...Kimber, I haven't finished yours yet. I'll try to do it tonight and post it tomorrow.

Remember, these are for entertainment purposes only!! :)

If  I'm right, I'll take all the credit. if I'm wrong, see the above clause..

(I don't read from a book...I go by my impressions and instinct, except in a few rare cases when I'm really stuck...and then I check a resource. Only if I have to.)

Earth Muffin:

Knight of Swords

This card represents someone with male energy. I don't make any assumptions about gender, so the person it refers to could be male, or a female with strong male energy.(but I'll call him 'he')..He relies on his intellect and verbal skills - perhaps at work and also during times of conflict. He'll take on any challenge, even when he's not sure where he's going, which sometimes leads to disaster.

Your relationship with this person has the potential to be difficult - at the moment you are in a place of safety, but he wields a sword, and sometimes he uses it. So you keep him in the open, where you can see him.

The nice thing is that this person usually has good intentions. He's not malicious, just a bit impetuous.

..if this person has not entered your life yet, he will, and I sense this may be work-related.

 7 of Pentacles

You've been working hard at something - working and working, and it seems to amount to nothing. It's like a garden that you've watered and cared for, and watched over very carefully. But you know how it is...a watched pot never boils. Even though it appears that your hard work will never pay off, don't give up. Your fears are really groundless. Some seeds take longer to germinate than others.

Some things flashed into my brain while I was looking at this card...don't forget to give the earth, or as in the threefold law. Whatever you do will return to you. All the earth will benefit from your efforts. Also - jars? Does that make any sense? And something about a letter of intent...

4 of Cups

You've been staring at the same old cups for too long. Things seem a bit dreary and dull - could there be some mild depression going on with you, or someone in your life? There are possibilities and opportunities that are not being considered. They are within your reach, but you are quite absorbed with what's in front of you (which may not be all that pleasant) so you are at risk of missing an opportunity. Cups represent emotion, so think in terms of relationships and personal fulfillment. You need to take a risk here, and out of that risk, from that opportunity you haven't yet found, or that you're ignoring because it is too scary to contemplate, you will reap a lot of benefits. Think your decisions through very carefully, and consider any and all possibilities, even the ones that seem a bit "out there."

Making Space

King of Pentacles...male energy again, of someone in your life or coming into your life. He's a bit earthy, possibly in the sense that he's good with money, or is attached to things of material value. It's kind of difficult to penetrate this person's exterior, and see what's beneath the very attractive outer package. It seems as though his attachment to the material may have left him a bit bereft in other ways...perhaps he lacks empathy, or he needs to develop more compassion. You've worked really hard at making something work - that's the sense I get. But you need to make sure that your effort is worth the pay off.

One thing that he needs to learn, is that abundance is more than money in the bank, or a fancy car in the driveway. True abundance can't be measured by modern standards. When you have family, health,love, and you're able to give and receive freely, true abundance is at hand.

The Emperor

oooh...a major arcana card.

The Emperor can refer to a system - like a large workplace or political system. Think of something where there are traditionally males in dominant roles. Or your father. Or the Catholic Church. Or the White House. You could be moving up within that system, if you work there. It's an uphill battle to get anywhere, sometimes. Even when you are in a position of authority, there is a hierarchy to think about, and gnash your teeth at...the Emperor as a person could be someone who has trouble showing their feelings, and may be hiding a strong attachment to you. If you're interested, be persistent, because this card represents someone who may be intellectual, but has a hidden passionate side.

( I had to rely on the book more for the above card than any other...)

5 of Cups

There's been a loss. The end or breakdown of a relationship, someone that you're trying to move away from, and you're feeling a profound sense of grief, which sometimes overshadows everything that you've gained. Remember, though, that nothing is ever really lost. It's time for you to turn attention away from the negative outcome, and focus on what you've retained or gained from the experience. Even if the liquid in the cups have been spilled, it hasn't been wasted. The liquid inside can nourish the soil, and returns itself back into the earth. There is a cycle of renewal and healing in all things. Hope remains, there are cups that are still full. Don't be afraid of spilling them, or losing their precious content. Drink deeply from them, savour the joy they bring you. It may not be the outcome that you once envisioned for yourself, but you will ultimately gain, and receive tremendous fulfillment (of the emotional, relationship kind) with the liquid that remains.

It's all very sexual or romantic, it seems. Does that make sense?

Okay - Eileen Pennington

(and you're really the only person that I don't have some kind of off-blog relationship with. I've never seen your picture, so I'm flying totally blind here. Let's see how accurate I am...)

5 of Wands reversed

I get a workplace here. It seems to be a present situation, ongoing. What's blocked you from moving forward are petty jealousies and gossip. Everyone is competing against one another, trying to look good for "the boss" by making other people look bad. Are there squabbles over something like tips? A hair salon? Wherever you are, people are being incredibly catty, and it seems inevitable that you've been caught up in some of these games. If this is a current situation, be very cautious. You need to take an objective look at a situation and make careful, well-considered decisions. Someone, possibly more than one person, is trying to deceive you in order to move up in the pecking order.

All that being said, do you really want to work there? Which leads to the next card

Ace of Wands

You're about to receive a blessing. Wands are about passion, and you're going to be given a chance to follow your passions. Perhaps this will come in the form of a new relationship, but I'm getting the sense that you feel passionate about something - that you do some kind of creative work that's very satisfying, that's rooted in your soul. There's an opportunity there...

Think about the goddess Brighid, all red-headed and fiery, goddess of the forge, of music, and creativity. All of those things are soul nourishing...and yeah, I know that soul work doesn't put food on the table, but as I said, you have this opportunity coming your way, which will benefit and affect your entire life. When the gift or blessing appears, be prepared to take advantage of it, or you could lose it forever.

The Empress

See, good things are coming. I see this card as associated with both work-related fulfillment and a change in relationship. Don't let the pregnancy images scare you - the Empress is all about bringing things to fruition. You are about to move from one life stage to the next - just as the Empress is transitioning from Maiden to Mother...something you're doing will bear fruit and you'll be birthing something - a project, an idea...and I get a strong sense that there is a positive change coming on the relationship front.

That's all for now, folks. Hope that at least some of it makes sense.

I've deleted my old blog...

Arial Ray is no more. I've imported all my old posts into this blog. This was done for technical reasons....I have no idea if all the people who follow my blog will get notification of all the new posts, but rest assured, I did not write 91 posts in 24 hours.

Now back to our regularly scheduled programming.