Saturday, April 25, 2009

value village and good friends

First a side note: It's starting to warm up ever so slightly in Southwestern Ontario. My school age group immediately responded by shedding all their outerwear, and in some cases, stripping down to their undershirts for the six-block walk back to the day care at the end of the day. I don't find it that warm, personally, but they're old enough to add a layer when it gets warmer....

So yesterday I was playing basketball with a gap-toothed six-year old boy. Or trying to, as he really didn't understand the game and we had no net, but he brought his basketball and he was going to use it, so really we were chasing each other around the playground - he was traveling with the ball, and I was showing him how to dribble and pivot. I must have tired him out. For a brief moment this tiny person stopped, and said to me:

"Good thing I put on my deodorant today!"

That's why I still like working with kids after all these years.

Last night was supposed to be a housecleaning/writing night for me. Instead I went to Value Village.

I know I don't have much money. But I also don't have any summer clothes. I weighed 40 pounds more last summer than I do now. The few items I saved are suitable only for wearing as pajamas. And when my friend KS calls and asks me to accompany her to VV, I can never say no.

I love the woman. Intelligent, outspoken, beautiful...and she's merciless in the change room.

"Take that off, it does nothing for you"

"Here. Try this on. No, I mean it, try it on. I don't care if you don't wear dresses like that, just put it on and see what it looks like."

Which is why I own any dress at all beyond the "hippie-flowy" skirts that I wear in the summer time. I don't wear dresses. But there's this little black dress sitting in my closet that looks amazing on me.

I have no place to wear it, but no matter....

So last night KS and I did the usual. VV (in Cambridge this time) and coffee at her place to follow. We closed down VV once again - we have a habit of forgetting the time, and then we're frantically trying stuff on because there's fifteen minutes left before closing and the're going to kick us out soon. Not that we've ever been kicked out, but it's come close.

And then we curled up on her couch with our coffee mugs in out hands and talked far into the night. I love nights like this - intense conversations with good friends. With her, because after four years I can finally let my guard down and be myself. I live for them, which is why my house is a mess and no writing is done. She's my sounding board, she asks me all the tough questions that I'm afraid to answer. She laughs at me when I need to be laughed at. She has no pretense.

I went home at 2 am.

I was with N for more than ten years. It was hard to leave in many ways, because I was afraid of being alone, of never finding that right person. And that hasn't changed - of course, it's only been eight months and I'm really not looking. But I've found something that I've missed, or that I only had infrequently over the years.

The company of women.

Beautiful, intelligent women who are funny and compassionate. Who care about their lives and the lives of others. Willing to fight for what they believe in, to make the world a better place because they believes so strongly in feminism, in equality, in and end to negative power relationships. Because they love and are loved in turn.

I am lonely sometimes. Having great queer friends to visit and talk to has a level of intimacy that I love, but some days it's not enough. I want to explore a bit, find out more about this new body of mine, hey, maybe even meet single queer women and date...or something radical like that.

But until that time comes...I hope it comes...I will be content, because of VV, good coffee, and good friends.


Earth Muffin said...

Sounds like a worthwhile night...the house will still need to be cleaned another day and time with friends is SO therapeutic.

Maria said...

Absolutely. Without my bff, Harriet, I would be lost.