Thursday, October 2, 2008


Slowly, ever so slowly, I begin to see the light that remains, that will come into my life.

My fear wants to keep me safe and comfortable, and in the same place as I've always been. I made the choice to come out, and move on because I want more than I have. I want passion, I want the kind of love that others have and I have never experienced. I deserve it as much as anyone else, I am capable (now, anyways) of giving and receiving that kind of love. I don't if, or when I will find it, but to stay in place because I'm scared - well, that's not living.

One year ago, almost to the day, I made the choice to live. I had the surgery that saved me from a slow death of numbness and obesity. Things have changed for me so much since that time - and so rapidly, that I still haven't caught my breath, looked at the last year, and reflected on all of those changes. I must do that, because I need to remind myself of how far I have come, how I have grown. I know I can do this.

At least I know most of the time. Some days are better than others. I will not only get thtough this, I will live the life that I have always imagined for myself.

This weekend, I'll post before and after surgery photos. 115 pounds lost, as of today. A whole person gone. And what's left is the me I've always been, the person I never really knew until now.


nina said...

Hey you take care of yourself, slowly is just fine, maybe the best way...

may all good things come to you


Maria said...

Progress is never an easy street. It takes time and commitment, as you obviously already know.

Cut yourself some slack. Baby steps are acceptable.

Mon said...

Hang in there....

Butch Boo said...

Good for you- go for it. Life is full of sunshine!