Wednesday, September 17, 2008


I have some now.

We had a much-needed conversation that will lead to a more explicit definition of time and space. What we have to ourselves, what we share with E is now more clearly defined.

There will be a schedule of sorts, with room for flexibility. We still have to work on the space issue - he has a bedroom and an office, so he has lots of space to have a private phone conversation. I have none. He seems to think that it's okay for me to restrict my calling to the hours when he might be awake - hypocrite - but the issue remains that the only private space I have is my room, while he has a whole basement to himself as often as he chooses. It's not an easy fix. He needs the office to work during the day, and because he has a co-worker in, we can't divide that space or use it for personal space. My choices at the moment are an unfinished walk-up attic, or a half-finished basement room that was designed to be an office. it has no windows, but it has shelves and decent lighting. Emily stores some of her toys in there. It has no other use.

We'll work that out.

He needs to start taking Emily places - without me. He needs to have her for a weekend once or so a month without me around. He wants weekends away. I'm going to take them, too.

After hearing the phone ring at 3 am and realizing that a) he was still awake, which is none of my business, and b) he appeared to be oblivious to the fact that the phone call woke everyone else up, and while he chatted merrily in the basement, it was my job to put E back to sleep....I came to the conclusion that I must speak, or face a life of peril and insecurity.

It had some effect. Or so I like to think. It's more likely that he wanted to plan his dating life with more detail, and needed some concrete parameters.

Whatever makes him happy. As long as it doesn't negatively affect me, he can make his own choices.

He's a tired boy this morning. I have no sympathy.

1 comment:

Earth Muffin said...

Good for you! Now you need to be sure that BOTH of you stick to the parameters you've set in place...and by that I mean don't make his happiness a priority over yours. Stick to your time that's just for you and don't let him talk you into "rescheduling" or getting around to it "later". You need time to yourself, especially right now as you embark on this new path your life is taking you on.

And, personally, I'd have taken the awakened child into her daddy and said, "You woke her, you settle her back down," but that's just me. I'm quite crabby when I and my children are unnecessariy awakened in the middle of the night!