Saturday, September 19, 2009

silly me

This morning I took Emily to the farmer's market before I brought her to her dad's. Our market is something else, a major tourist attraction, and lots of kid stuff to do, like pony rides and jumpy castles. (and my favourite ranting point, who in the hell thought building a Wal-Mart on the same road was a good idea?)We had waffles for breakfast, and just wandered around.

I called my ex to let him know that we were running late, and I could hear the excitement in his voice. What's up, I ask him.

He's in love. I knew this...but I think this is the first time he's ever used that word with reference to the person he's been dating.

I'm happy for him.

But why do I feel so sad? It's not like I want him...or our relationship, or anything like that.

Sometimes I just don't make sense, even to myself.

9 comments:

Jude said...

I love our farmer's market that's set up every Tuesday in the middle of old town. The market takes over a couple of blocks on a street. No cars, it's wonderful and the fresh local produce is all mouth watering. It's a good thing they give out samples.

The sad thing? I think our hearts are always tied into the past. You had a moment of nostalgia that's all.

Em said...

I think we can be happy for someone else and wistful for ourselves. And wistfulness can feel like sadness, but it's really yearning and desire.

I'm going to suggest that it's not the past you are yearning for, but the future. Perhaps you want to find your love.

This is what it is for me, at any rate. I am not in a place at the moment that would be good for falling for someone for so very many reasons. But I still want her. Whoever, and where ever, she may be.

Margo said...

So be sad for a moment.
Be happy too.
It's okay to be both.

MakingSpace said...

What Margo said. Love and light to you.

Ang said...

I like what Margo said. It's ok to feel.

reeflightning said...

today we feel what we feel. tomorrow is a new day. it is all as it should be. big hug!

Earth Muffin said...

It's normal to feel sad about this. He's found someone, you're still searching. You can be sad and happy at the same time. And you can not make sense to yourself. We all feel that way from time to time.

Dragon said...

Yeah, I think it makes you think of the past. It is ok to be sad. Your human.

Laura Lee said...

You are doing great in your new life, you will see. But it is New. The comfort level will increase with each experience, the way it did in your old life.

I see my ex (tho that title is not befitting our relationship) and I sometimes feel that too, like a soft warm sunny place that disappeared. Find another one- inside yourself, that stays no matter who is in and out of your life.