Monday, March 22, 2010

opinions wanted

Sooo...I'm heading into dating again after 12 years...any advice?

Not that there's an actual date on my horizon...well, not really, although I've been talking to a few people.

But my questions to all of you are about warning signs. And no, I am not trying to rationalize myself out of becoming involved with someone. Yes, I am aware that it's very easy for me to talk myself out of things, and I have tried to stay positive....I am positive, but something is troubling me about a particular contact....

What are some things that really creep you out? Not in a suggestive sense, but behaviours that might indicate that someone is being dishonest/hiding something/getting a bit too stalkerish for comfort?

If you share your summer plans with someone and they automatically assume that they're coming with you, is that not a bit....weird?

At the early conversation/IM stage should the focus be on having fun, while getting to know someone? Or am I being too...frivolous. Hey, just started this process and not ready to settle into a serious, long-term anything unless the absolute, right person came along, and even so, I'd want to keep things light until I knew where it was going. Right? Or am I in the wrong head space?

On the honesty thing: Is it possible for someone to have lived in MI for twelve years..without having ever heard about Michfest? I'm not talking about whether or not they went...whether they even knew about it. (She lives elsewhere now).  She's not a newly out person, either. As far as she's told me.

Sisters, am I just being paranoid? Or should I be running really fast in the other direction?

13 comments:

Linda said...

I haven't dated in quite sometime, however my biggest piece of advice is to always, always, always go with your gut. Your gut feelings will never steer you wrong.

And yes, the whole thing about the person automatically assuming they were coming with me upon telling them about my trip would weird me out in a BIG way.

Camlin said...

See, I really wish I could like her.Being liked is a bit gratifying. But... my gut is telling me to disconnect.

Christine said...

I agree with that being a bit creepy. I've been with my partner for 11 years this coming May and I think if he had ever just assumed anything it would have bothered me. Go with your gut my friend!

Making Space said...

I would think that a person assuming they're going on vacay with you is a person who is assuming a lot.

I would think a long-out lesbian who lived in Michigan for a long time would have heard of Michfest. I've been out for like three seconds and I've heard of it. (Not that I'm coming on your summer vacation with you or anything)

Email stuff is fun. It shouldn't creep you out.

aneke said...

The ones that meet you once and then send you a trillion messages etc in the next few days make me nervous... Anyone assuming they were doing anything with me would make me very nervous.

I'm pretty cynical, I know. But trust that first instinct, its always right.

Camlin said...

Aneke - I agree.

MS - you could come on vacation with me. We would have a blast - because there are no expectations and assumptions. But since you actually have to spend a week in a tent at Fest, I'm not sure you would want to...

greg said...

I don't like where this is going. Something is strange and you should def. go with instinct here. You aren't being paranoid as there are a lot of creepy people out there and this seems to be one of them.

Dragon said...

OYI i hear you on the dating thing. Yes, if someone assumes they are going out somewhere, that is scary, too much.

Don't force the idea, if they don't feel right being around, then they aren't right. You have to be happy and not just settle with the idea they like you so that is appealing. I know how that can be. I do the same thing and forget, I have to be happy and everything has to be right. I have been with girls in the past that were just bad for me because I was stuck with the fact they were attracted to me so should accept that. Don't get into that rut. This person should make you happy, no bad feelings.

Making Space said...

Camlin! Thank you! I have fantasies of going to MichFest some day. Somehow I miraculously require no sleep or mosquito repellent. LOL Tents! Gah!

I think Aneke is onto something about first instincts here...

Maria said...

Wow...even my partner doesn't just assume she is going on vacation with me....

And I'm with everyone else, if something inside you tells you to step back...step back.

I'm always suspect of someone who tries way too hard to get me to like them too. It isn't supposed to be WORK.

Camlin said...

MS - I required no mosquito repellent when I went, but you will need lots of sleep when you get home. Ya don't get much when you're there.

Maria - I went with my gut, removed her from my email, my IM and my life. I felt so relieved after that!

Mon said...

Cam...

Gotta go with your gut for sure...if it's giving you even the slightest bit of the creeps..something is there that is not sitting with you well. As far as Michfest...I have a hard time believing a long out lesbian in MI would not have heard of it...heck I'm in Montana and I know about it..

P.S.

Can I go on vacation with you??? But I'm not sure about the tent...maybe M.S. and I can pull my camper...LOL

Camlin said...

Mon, it would be so awesome to meet up with you at Fest! And there is an RV section, so you and M.S. are all set....