Thursday, January 7, 2010

it begins

The year begins with resolve - to focus my energy on my passions, to write more and more often. To set creative goals for myself and live them. To set personal goals for myself and live them. To love life, and the people in my life. To welcome new people, ideas and dreams into my existence.

I'm in a good place. It's a quiet place, with notebooks strewn all over my room, and pens that run out of ink at crucial moments. I like it here - in spite of the snow and cold. I cook warm lovely things in the crock pot and freeze them for the days when I don't have time to make wholesome food. I curl up under the blankets at night with gratitude for the blessing I have, and the people who enrich my days.

I have a lovely new coat.

I am learning how to mainfest the love that I so deeply desire.

I am surrounded with peace and love.

My mom is able to openly talk about my sexuality. I went to a family gathering that didn't suck. Two of my cousins sat down with me after lunch and congratulated me - really - on my new self-awareness. I was almost in tears because they made it so easy for me to be myself.

My sister and I had a conversation on Christmas Eve that went like this:

She: "I found a woman for you."
Me "Oh, really. Who is she?"
She: I don't know. I was at Dollarama."
Me: "Does she work there?"
She: No. She was in line, but she was really hot. Kind of butch, with a baseball cap."
Me: "well, did you talk to her? Did you get her number?"
She: "No. But I thought about you."
Me: "Oh....thanks."

For a split second there, I thought my sister was going to set me up with someone and I was ecstatic.

And then I realized that we had had an open conversation about my dating life, in my mom's house, surrounded by my family and I was ecstatic. Because it's normal to talk about dating....and she went out of her way to be open and positive. I think I love her...well, I already did.

This year I'm going to live my dream - some day I will earn a living as a writer and it starts now. By writing, and sharing what I write, and sending my precious words off into the world in hopes that other people will want to read them.

I will not be alone for much longer, and it starts now. By opening myself up to new experiences and meeting new people, and just learning that it's okay to be open, and to give and receive openly.

For the moment, at least for the next week or so, I have to work on visualizing myself as healthy - seeing those red blood cells coursing through my body with lots and lots of healthy hemoglobin. I've been feeling really great, a bit tired, but so positive about things that it came as a complete shock to learn that my hemoglobin is down to 87. Normal is 125. Last year, my hemo dropped to 68 and I had a transfusion - I'd like to avoid that this time. So I'll do what I can to get healthy again, so I can enjoy all the love, creativity and abundance that's coming into my life.

2010 is going to be great!


Jude said...

So how many times have you gone to Dollarama in the past week? ;) What a great conversation to have with your sister!!! I'm so happy for you.

You sound like you're in a perfect place. Let's hope those red blood cells will feel your energy and cooperate.

small town dyke said...

I have iron and blood issues also, with that said b12 shots and the iron pill repelva work great for me. Good luck with all that you have manifested for the comming year!!

Ang said...

Yay for positive things...I hope your red blood cells cooperate as well. here is to a good 2010

Mon said...

You are so on a roll, like you have told me a million times the last few years, our paths are parallel, so they are again, with your Saturday looming and your dating life blooming. I'm so excited for you my friend. It's been a long time coming and you deserve the best there is.


Making Space said...

OMG you can get ANYTHING at the Dollarama!!! Should I be laughing this hard this late at night in my dark house? ROFL

What a sweet and inspired post. Sending you hemoglobin vibes from the warm side of the world...

Erika said...

What a beautiful, hopeful post. :) Best wishes as you begin to experience everything your heart desires.

P.S. I love the parts of this post having to do with your family; I'm wondering if you would be open to sharing those excerpts/modifying into a new post to be featured on my new site, BGAI Together. If you're interested at all, click on over and go to the BGAI Together tab...or email me. :) This is exactly the kind of story I'm hoping to feature there.

jelly said...

visual positive thoughts...good for you!

Earth Muffin said...

I'm so glad to hear how open and accepting your family is about your sexuality!

You sound so positive and happy. 2010 is your year!

Anonymous said...

Thats awesome!! I am so happy for you. I have seen the same, the happier you are with yourself, the more you put positive energy out there, the more people will come. :-)

Anonymous said...

Starting the year off in a positive way is a great sign of the wonderful things to come. Good for you.

Murray said...

Take care of yourself because it certainly sounds like you are going to have a wonderful year in 2010! Good for you.

Kalisis Rising said...

I love that conversation with your sister! Rock on. I have to tell you that when I read it on my blackberry, I somehow thought your sister was at a doll store. Haha.

Take care of yourself and I'll be sending many good healing vibes your way. :)

~Just me again~ said...

What a great post. Sounds like your mom and sister are coming around? I'm not sure my mom ever scares me.

You keep taking care of yourself. (((Big hugs)))

Mel's Way or No Way said...

Yeah! Congrats on finally feeling comfortable and open about the person you truly are. Wishing the best for you in 2010.

kimber p said...

omg, I love this post :) isn't it wonderful you can leave a family gathering with a smile on your face?
I wish you great health and lots of love in 2010 :)

Camlin said...

My family rocks! And the ones that aren't too sure about this are trying...really trying.

All I have to do is get my anemia under control and it will be a moist excellent year.

All of you are awesome - the most incredible support system that anyone could ask for. Thank you for helping me get through '09! And I'm looking forward to sharing this wonderful year with you.

Anonymous said...

I wish you well. May the universe bless you with all that you are looking for.