it begins

The year begins with resolve - to focus my energy on my passions, to write more and more often. To set creative goals for myself and live them. To set personal goals for myself and live them. To love life, and the people in my life. To welcome new people, ideas and dreams into my existence.

I'm in a good place. It's a quiet place, with notebooks strewn all over my room, and pens that run out of ink at crucial moments. I like it here - in spite of the snow and cold. I cook warm lovely things in the crock pot and freeze them for the days when I don't have time to make wholesome food. I curl up under the blankets at night with gratitude for the blessing I have, and the people who enrich my days.

I have a lovely new coat.

I am learning how to mainfest the love that I so deeply desire.

I am surrounded with peace and love.

My mom is able to openly talk about my sexuality. I went to a family gathering that didn't suck. Two of my cousins sat down with me after lunch and congratulated me - really - on my new self-awareness. I was almost in tears because they made it so easy for me to be myself.

My sister and I had a conversation on Christmas Eve that went like this:

She: "I found a woman for you."
Me "Oh, really. Who is she?"
She: I don't know. I was at Dollarama."
Me: "Does she work there?"
She: No. She was in line, but she was really hot. Kind of butch, with a baseball cap."
Me: "well, did you talk to her? Did you get her number?"
She: "No. But I thought about you."
Me: "Oh....thanks."

For a split second there, I thought my sister was going to set me up with someone and I was ecstatic.

And then I realized that we had had an open conversation about my dating life, in my mom's house, surrounded by my family and I was ecstatic. Because it's normal to talk about dating....and she went out of her way to be open and positive. I think I love her...well, I already did.

This year I'm going to live my dream - some day I will earn a living as a writer and it starts now. By writing, and sharing what I write, and sending my precious words off into the world in hopes that other people will want to read them.

I will not be alone for much longer, and it starts now. By opening myself up to new experiences and meeting new people, and just learning that it's okay to be open, and to give and receive openly.

For the moment, at least for the next week or so, I have to work on visualizing myself as healthy - seeing those red blood cells coursing through my body with lots and lots of healthy hemoglobin. I've been feeling really great, a bit tired, but so positive about things that it came as a complete shock to learn that my hemoglobin is down to 87. Normal is 125. Last year, my hemo dropped to 68 and I had a transfusion - I'd like to avoid that this time. So I'll do what I can to get healthy again, so I can enjoy all the love, creativity and abundance that's coming into my life.

2010 is going to be great!