Friday, October 23, 2009

the week in brief

  • My week ended better than it started. I had an issue with a parent at work, who decided to yell at me while there were kids in the room. I was not impressed. And then I started to second-guess myself, and my career choice, and just about everything know how it goes. But my supervisor rocks! She got to the heart of the problem, and while it's not solved, at least I know that she's in my corner, and that she supports the work I do. The problem will take care of itself next week when the parent removes her child from the program...not the best way to solve things, but in this case, it's the only way.
  • It's raining and windy, and the leaves are swirling around the sidewalks, getting wet and yellow and red before they rest on the ground. I love it - I feel a sense of...longing...and I'm filled with the joy of just being at this time of year. If the rain slows down I'll be out walking in a few minutes.
  • The house sale closes on Monday, which will start a new chapter in my adventure. Financial independence, if not actual financial security. I can't wait to make my own decisions about my money and my life. It hasn't been onerous at all, but the financial intertwining keeps me tied to my ex in ways that are no longer necessary. Time to move forward.
  • A co-worker is selling me her elliptical trainer for $80.00. That solves a huge problem...because in winter I can't walk fast enough to keep my fitness level where I want it. I asked and I received.
  • So, where's the girlfriend/romantic interest I keep asking for? I really mean it this time.
  • Emily is cute and I love her, but I wish she'd stop sticking her feet underneath me when she crawls in bed with me during the night. It wakes me up. Her toes clearly need warmth.
  • Send good thoughts out to those who have lost loved ones in the past year. Samhain is next week, the pagan new year, and the time when we celebrate passages into and out of the physical world. It's also the time of year when the veil between the worlds is at its thinnest, so I've been working a lot with tarot and my pendulum this week.
  • My oldest daughter has gone back to school! I'm so happy. She never finished high school, so she's upgrading and getting ready for college.
  • Where has the time gone? Summer flew by, autumn's here...and snow is just around the corner. I may complain about the cold, but I really love snow. What I really love is snuggling under the blankets while the wind blows and the snow hits the my imagination, there is always someone snuggling with me. In my reality, it's usually my daughter. I wonder if that will change anytime soon.
  • Nothing to report on the dating front. Money is required for online personals and that's a decision I can't make until next Tuesday. But I feel like it's all in place now - the house sale feels like the last piece of a complicated puzzle.
  • I had such an amazing response from my coming out post, both here and on my Facebook page. Thank you! 
  • Tomorrow is a cleaning day, during which I resolve to actually clean.
  • I'm also tutoring.
  • I think that I'm too easily distracted.
  • Have a great weekend!


MakingSpace said...

Yergonnahatemebut.... the big thing that caught my eye was that you say you're too easily distracted. I want details. That's wrong, right? LOL

Camlin said...

Nope. Not wrong at all.

I have a ton of stuff to do today and a whole day to do it - four loads of laundry, vacuuming, kitchen and bathroom to clean - and then there's the story that I want ready by next week's submission deadline...and the lyrics to a song I wrote the other day while I was at work, scrawled in red pen on the back of an envelope from my purse. I have four hours of tutoring lined up for today. And here I sit, reading blogs, writing emails to people who intrigue me, and looking out my office window, where the most gorgeous maple tree I've ever seen is cloaked in bright yellow leaves that look even brighter against the grey sky.

While I like writing emails, and I love to look out my window...I am coming to terms with the notion that fear doesn't just hold me back in one area of life, it has unsuspectingly taken hold everywhere...I don't sing my songs because I'm afraid they're not good. Lyrics stay on envelopes and don't go any farther. I don't enter writing contests or submit my work because I fear rejection. Thinking about it is the beginning point for change. I don't want to have a retirement tea at my day care when I turn 65 or then I will have moved forward into the creative work I feel strongly I was destined to do. To get there, I have to get off my butt and do the work.

At the same time, I need to make space in my life for writing long emails and looking out the window, because these are things I love to do...but I have to make sure I'm accomplishing everything else that I want to do.

So for a few days I'm going to turn my inner thoughts towards banishing the fear, opening my throat chakra, and inviting the east, which is the element of air, to take hold of my life once again. While still clinging to the North, which keeps me grounded. Does that make sense to anyone except me?

Ang said...

Wow you have a lot going on but it sounds like everything is moving in a good direction and a new chapter is begining. I mean it this time where is my GF romantic intrest?

Maria said...

What is it about daughter's cold toes? My ten year old is constantly putting her cold toes on mine, I read in bed before sleep and she ADORES coming in and getting in bed with me until Bing comes to bed and carries her into her own bed and her feet are always FREEZING.

Laura Lee said...

So glad you have sold your house!!! It IS time to move on. Reinvent yourself. Bring in some beautiful fall leaves - whatever it takes to remind you of your real self.

MakingSpace said...

Totally makes sense. So much to do, so many dreams to live out, and the daily routine to wrestle into submission too. Yeah.

jelly said...

I understand completely how life makes us so busy, dreams to accomplish, just things to do.
Daily routines to work through.
We wear so many hats as women, don't we?

I get distracted also, when I should be doing something else right now, I'm distracted by the fact it is beautiful outside and I am going to head out and find a pumpkin to carve.

It always falls into place eventually.

Congrats on selling your house btw.