Thursday, June 16, 2011

grief

We've been fairly fortunate as a family. A few of us have been lost along the way but for the most part we are hearty, healthy and complete. Or we were, until last Friday.

My aunt - my mom's sister, who was married to my dad's brother - was killed in a car accident last Friday night. She was my other mom - so often, when we were growing up, our families were together, and we were just one big pile of seven, eight, and then ten kids, altogether. Five in each family. We took vacations together. We traveled across the country in my uncle's camper.  Seven kids and four adults. All of us in a single vehicle. On two occasions we even lived together, during housing transitions.

It's been a long week, and it's only Thursday. My sisters, nieces, daughter and I did the music at the funeral, which was very difficult, but far easier than sitting in the church with nothing to do but remember. My cousins are lost. My uncle even more so - he relied on my aunt for so many things. I am holding onto all those good memories, and the knowledge that my aunt lived a full and busy life. She was an amazing, strong, outspoken woman, a dedicated mother and grandmother, and a person who lived her beliefs.

She always accepted me for who I am. I will not forget that.

After the funeral, my cousin J and I (the only girls in a sea of boy siblings and cousins until her younger sister arrived when I was ten) talked for a long time. We are our mother's daughters. We are strong, independent women who do what needs to be done, and we fall apart quietly after everyone's gone home. We get stuff done. We hold our families close. We will survive, thrive, and carry her example with us.

In fact, we will keep on moving forward. Does that sound like a song?



Yes, this was one of the songs that carried my aunt home. With a few verse additions and deletions.

I will remember, and move forward.

10 comments:

Earth Muffin said...

I'm so sorry for your loss. ((hugs))

Redbone210 said...

Camlin, here is a hug for you. I'm sorry for your loss and I'm sending prayers your way.

Avril Fleur said...

You ladies did a great job with the music at the Mass, it was very moving.

Even at the reception afterward, it was still very weird for me that she was not there, buzzing around, socializing. Not to hear her distinctive voice, which I will never forget. I acutely felt her absence that day and still can't believe she's gone.

e said...

It's never easy, is it? I'm so sorry. Hold on to those memories.

MakingSpace said...

I'm so sorry for your loss.

Solo said...

In the past, when I have grieved the loss of a loved one, it seemed to help for me to remind myself how much richer and more beautiful my life was for having them in it.

I am deeply sorry for your loss and will keep you and your family in my prayers.

reeflightning said...

so sorry for your loss camlin. my thoughts are with you and yours.

small town dyke said...

My heart goes out to you and yours. sending good thoughts your way.

greg said...

I am truly sorry. This is so very sad and must be a tremendous shock for all of you.

sky said...

So sorry to hear about your Auntie. Sounds like she was a real special lady. Hug!