Thursday, March 10, 2011

back to normal - more or less

Things aren't any crazier than normal around here. But things have shifted, mostly in positive directions since the last time I posted - round about a month ago, give or take a couple of weeks.

I have been writing - every day in my morning pages notebook. Sometimes in the evening when I have the time or energy. And it's starting to feel like maybe, I just might, perhaps, move in a more creative direction. I certainly have the time and the tools. And I can feel myself unblocking, ever so slowly, as time passes, and as I continue to discipline myself to write every day. I highly recommend The Artists Way by Julia Cameron, because it goes beyond writing prompts and trite advice, and helps one to see the whole picture. I've learned, through reading that I have enough - money, time, ideas, inspiration, support. It's all a matter of how I allocate my abundance.

There have been some challenges at home. My seven year old has taken up a fair amount of time and energy lately. We are dealing with patterns of behaviour that I have been working with for several years, but every once in a while, the anger and anxiety escalates, and we have days, weeks where every night is a conflict, an event to be "gotten through," instead of just savoured. It seems to happen most often in winter, when our access to the outdoors is restricted at times, and resolves itself almost fully by summer, when school is over, and the nice weather keeps us outside long past bedtime. She is beautiful, brilliant and talented, but she is also anxious, and likes to stick to her own little schedule. I am trying to teach her to breathe before she reacts, and to build a little bit of resilience and compassion into her life. it's an uphill battle some days. And then on other days, you can see the blossom, like a spring crocus under a fine layer of snow, waiting to appear.

My relationship with the girl continues to thrive. We have no plans to change anything on the home front yet, as change is very difficult for one member of the household. But we're hoping at some point to lessen the distance between our homes, somehow. I have to admit, that having gained my independence, and having, after 45 years, finally figured out how to manage my household budget, and egads, even save a few pennies, I am reluctant to give it up. I like being alone. More than that, I need my alone time. I'm around people and kids all day long, and it's hard to find a peaceful night, like this one.

I think I can safely blame the Artists Way for my new-found love of knitting. I've taken to knitting socks, since finding the lovely skein of sock-wool on a weekly artists' date. Socks don't take tons of time, so completing them is inherently rewarding.

And I am sick of winter. Sick of it. Could someone send me some warm weather? I promise to blog more often if I get it....


MakingSpace said...

Warm weather vibes!

Kalisis Rising said...

I'm sending you bushels of sunshine as I adore your blog and do an internal 'happy dance' when I see a new post in my RSS feed!

It's tough to help our little ones, isn't it? My first born sounds very similar - if things aren't 'just so' his entire rhythm is thrown off and I want to help prepare him for the curveballs that life will eventually throw him. I don't want him to be like his mama and into his thirties, still trying to find the right tools so he doesn't visibly freak out.

Be well.